Pick Up Lines
by arklthecat
Summary: Your name is Dirk Strider and you're wondering how the hell did you end up in this situation? How the hell did you end up here, thinking up ideas of how to woo your big dork of a friend. You really have no idea. Or where Dirk is lame and finally asks Jake out.


Your name is Dirk Strider and you're wondering how the hell did you end up in this situation? How the hell did you end up here, thinking up ideas of how to woo your big dork of a friend. You really have no idea. Maybe it was because said friend was really cute. You never thought you'd end up trying to be romantic. But he's just... so oblivious. So that's why you're on the couch, thinking up ways to woo your big dork of a friend while practically glaring at your phone as if it had done you a personal wrong. But no, the phone hasn't done anything wrong. You're just making a big deal out of it. So you sigh an decide to end this inner argument once and for all. You're gonna call this guy. So you pick up your phone with an overdramatic sigh and scroll through your contacts, pressing the name Jake, who is previously mentioned friend. After three rings, he picks up.

"Hey, Strider! Now what brings me the honor of being called by you this fine evening?"

You shut your eyes and take a deep breath, steeling yourself for a rejection.

"Hey, English. Since this evening is so fine, I was thinking we could go out and eat or something. Walk around and maybe catch a movie. I know you've been wanting to watch that new Transformers movie that just came out."

You hear a short cheer from the other end, startling you. "Yeah! Definitely! Since you're such a gentleman, Strider, why don't you pick me up in an hour?"

You pull the phone away and squint at the time. You try to keep your words cool, even if you are totally surprised he accepted.

"An hour? It'll be three by then, Jake. You sure?"

You hear a short ruffle, and you guess he's nodding before he realizes you can't see him. "Of course! Pick me up at three, Mr. Strider! I'll be waiting!"

He's about to hang up, but you manage to get in a "wait!" to stop him. You know he hears you, as he quickly starts apologizing. "Oh, blimey! Sorry, Strider. I didn't realize you had more to say."

You nod, picking out your words. "I thought maybe we could... go out? Like, I know you're always like, 'one day I want to go to Monnalisa and gaze at the ceiling, and eat some fancy dinner' and I thought, hey, why not. It's a nice day anyways." You pause to take a breath and realize, fuck, you're starting to ramble. "So. Yeah. Dress fancy, English. I hope you're swooning. I am sweeping you off your feet. You are the princess in the castle and I am the prince, here to save you. Jake, oh Jake, let down your hair."

Yup. You're still rambling. Shut up Dirk, you're wooing Jake and oh is he laughing okay that's good even if he is laughing at you.

"Oh alright Strider. You really don't have to do this but... thanks! I'll make sure to dress nice! But since you are making me swoon, why don't you pick me up at eight instead of three?"

You bite your lip, nodding slowly. "Alright, princess English. We're doing this bro, were making this happen."

Jake laughs, and your heart certainly didn't just flutter no what.

"Just to clarify, we're only going as bros, right? I don't want people to get the wrong idea."

Your heart sinks. "Uh- yeah. Just as bros."

You have a pleasant conversation and when you hang up, you toss the phone on the couch. Time to get ready.

(Since nobody needs to know how your shower was, or how long it took to style your hair or anything else really, we're just gonna skip up to the part you and Jake get to the restaurant.)

Jake can clean up nicely, even if his hair can't really be tamed. He looks great in a suit. And being the gentleman you are, you walk around the front of the car and open his door before he can. You smirk at him, and he grins at you as he utters a "thanks!" You close the door behind him and 'unironically' wrap your arm around his shoulders. He looks up at you, and you swear his ears are a bit red.

"Dirk, what are you doing?"

You grin at him. "Making you swoon. Is it working?"

He rolls his eyes, —you idly realize he still has his glasses on. You have your shades on too.— but he makes no move to shrug your arm off his shoulders.

You take that as a good thing as you walk into the fancy restaurant. You tell the man the reservation, and the two of you follow the man down to a table. You pass two women on a booth and they're both laughing at some joke. You turn your head and turn to look forward again before realizing, holy shit. That's Roxy and Jane. Roxy locks eyes with you and you catch a wink before you feel a tug on your arm. "Oops," you mutter. "Sorry."

You would have kept walking, had Jake not tugged on you. The two of you sit down, and it's just your luck that you're seated about two tables down from Roxy and Jane. And you're facing Roxy. Shit.

She winks at you one more time while Jane is looking away, before completely ignoring you the rest of the time. When you and Jake start walking out, —Roxy actually convinced Jane and they both waited for you, are you serious?— the blonde and her date get up and walk right beside you.

Jake, who hadn't seen them at all before now, gasps and greets them enthusiastically. He starts a conversation with Jane as Roxy grins up at you. "Dirky! You actually got the man, hmmm?"

You sigh, shaking your head. "No. I haven't. I'm trying, though."

Roxy grins, nudging you with her elbow. "Ooooobviously not tryin' hard enough, since he's over there chattin' with my date and not with you!"

You roll your eyes. "Where are you guys goin' after this?"

Roxy snickers, shooting a look at Jane before grinning and pulling you down to whisper in your ear. "I'm gonna kiss her. Takin' her to the park and it'll be like one'a Jake's lame romance movies. We'll sit on the swings and I'll lean over and..." She shoves you away with a loud, "BAM!" before quieting down when Jane immediately shushed her.

The four of you are cracking jokes for awhile until you get to the movie theater. You go your separate ways and you pull Jake close again.

When you get to the movies, you're not ashamed once you start muttering pick up lines. He didn't react with the first few, since they were totally cheesybut he gasped at the one you were probably most proud of.

"You're McDonalds and I'm Burger King. I'll be having it my way and you'll be loving it."

He punches your shoulder, eyes wide and a blush quickly spreading to his cheeks.

"Dirk, we are in public!" He hisses, but you're chuckling.

"So?"

He looked startled for a few more seconds before he started laughing along with you.

You make it your personal goal to make him as flustered as possible before the movie starts.

"I want to make some bread pudding, can I borrow some of your firm buns?"

"Are you a parking ticket? Because you have fine written all over you."

"If I had a dime for ever time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have ten cents."

"I'm like a rubix cube: the more you play with me, the harder I get." This one earned you a gasp and a smack on the arm. It also got you a grown woman —a mother— leaning her head in between your two seats and practically hissing at you.

"There are children here, you two!"

You stop laughing immediately and open your mouth to try to be civil with her. But nooo, Jake has to make a big deal out of it.

"I'm so sorry, ma'am! My mate here was just..." you tune him out and notice the woman make a signal to the man beside her. The man gets up and leaves, and you quickly clamp a hand over Jake's mouth.

"Did he just go and get security or something?"

Jake tries to tug your hand off his mouth, but you're too strong for him. The woman nods. "Yes. You two are being inappropriate."

Jake gasps again and you take your hand off his mouth. He's immediately talking again.

"Gadzooks! Ma'am, that isn't necessary, he was just kidding around, I would really like to see this movie-" he's cut off by the two men suddenly standing in the aisle.

"We must ask the two of you to exit or we will have to get physical."

You jokingly put your hands up in the universal sign of surrender. "Hey, guys. Sorry for the trouble. We'll leave right now." You turn around, casually sliding one arm under Jake's knees and the other aroundaround his back. "Come on, Jake."

He makes a sound of surprise, and you're followed out by security. Even after you're out the doors, you're still holding him bridal style. You glance at his expression, and he looks completely annoyed. He's also stiff and his arms are crossed.

But that's not what let's you know he's mad. It's the fact he hasn't said anything since talking to the woman from inside. That doesn't stop you from cracking up once you're not in the watchful gaze of security. You think you might have busted a lung or something.

You don't know what changed his mind, but suddenly Jake is laughing with you. You put him down, leaning on him to catch your breath. You're still laughing a bit when he speaks up. "I really wanted to watch that movie."

You smile apologetically, but it quickly turns into a grin. "Sorry."

He smacks your arm. "Dirk! You're supposed to be genuinely sorry. Not laughing in the middle of an apology!"

Your body shook with mirth. "I'm sorry. It was just... so funny. It was a harmless pick up line!"

Jake finally breaks and starts laughing alongside you. "I guess. It was ridiculous though! I can't believe you."

You're laughing all the way to the car.

On the way to Jake's house, you're both still laughing and making pleasant conversation.

When you get to the house, you park in his driveway. Time to actually woo him.

"So, uh. Jake. I asked you out today, because. Umm."

Yup. Smooth. You are the smoothest, Dirk. So eloquent. No wonder you get all the ladies.

Jake raised an eyebrow, all signs of amusement sliding off his face as he realized you were serious.

"Fuck. This is harder than I thought. Can I just show you?"

Jake narrowed his eyes. "Sure...? I won't regret thmmph!"

You cut him off and kiss him before your resolve could wear off. Wow. Okay.

You'd always thought the stories were full of bullshit, that when they kissed the person fireworks exploded somewhere in the distance and they'd feel warm all over. But nope. It was literally just like that. Warmth spread everywhere in your body, starting from your lips. You don't let it last any longer than a few seconds, so you pull away.

"Uh. So. Yeah. Sorry. " You run a hand through your hair. You should feel bad for forcing the kiss on him, but you honestly don't care. You loved it. But you apologized just because.

You finally meet his eyes, biting your lip. You're surprised by what you find there.

He's smiling at you, his face tinged red. You can feel your ears slowly heating up.

"Dirk, you could have at least told me something before you go off and scare the bejesus out of me!"

You grin weakly. "I was... scared. Of rejection."

He sighs. "There was no need for that, mate!"

You're about to ask why not but suddenly he's leaning in and oh god is about to kiss you? Yes. He presses his lips to yours and this time it's softer, gentler than the one you practically forced on him. It's soft and warm and gentle and Jake and... perfect.

You're Dirk Strider and you're wondering how the hell you ended up in this situation. How the hell did you end up here, kissing your big dork of a (boy)friend?

You really have no idea, but you're not complaining.


End file.
